Simplifying my week

I find if I am juggling too many different things in a single workday, it affects my focus, my energy and my performance.

 This is especially on days when I am constantly switching between different topics and tasks.

 So, I have tried to simplify my work week by intentionally having a theme for each workday...Mondays are creative days, Tuesday through Thursday is for delivery, and Friday is for administrative tasks.

Of course, many days deviate from this ideal, but even having this guideline simplifies my weekly planning and execution. When I am not sure what to work on, I refer to the theme for that day.  

 And the days I keep it simple and stay on theme, I find that I utilize my time more effectively, stay focused for longer and end the day with more energy for a workout or a home cooked dinner.

 What are some ways you can simplify your weekly planning and execution, so you apply your focus and energy on what matters most?

Self-awareness

“95 percent of people believe they are self-aware, but the real number is 10 to 15 percent. That means, on a good day, about 80 percent of people are lying about themselves—to themselves.”

So says Tasha Eurich, author of Insight: The Surprising Truth About How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves, and Why the Answers Matter More Than We Think

So, if you are a leader trying to motivate and guide other human beings, the key question is whether you are one of the 12 to 15 percent of the human race that is actually self-aware. (Hint: the odds are stacked against you.)

Why does this matter? Before you can start managing others, you have to figure out how to manage yourself and understand the impact you're having on other people.

Too many managers dominate conversations, cut others off, and ignore or minimize their contributions… in many cases without realizing they are doing this.

You need self-awareness to spot and eliminate your own counterproductive behaviors. The only way to maintain self-awareness is to work at it constantly. Yes, constantly.

R.A.I.N

About 20 years ago, Michele McDonald came up with “RAIN” as an easy-to-remember way to learn how to be mindful in the face of challenges. It stands for Recognition, Acceptance, Interest and Non-Identification.

First, you recognize what is really happening… and then accept it. (Often times we have no control over these developments, so accepting them is a powerful step.)

You then bring sincere interest to what’s happening.

Finally—and perhaps most importantly—separate “you” from what’s happening. For example, you are not angry or scared; you are feeling those emotions, but you are not your emotions. It’s a subtle but powerful distinction.

In the midst of huge changes, it’s all-too-easy to get caught up in the chaos. This technique can help you keep the chaos at bay, and learn to be calm, even when others are not.

Can’t hide emotions

Have you ever read something so contrary to what you believe that you just had to stop reading? This happened to me a few days ago, while reading The Right Way to Fight by Amy Gallo in an HBR publication.

In the piece, she paraphrased an “expert” who advised that “regardless of the nature of the quarrel, try to leave your emotions at the door.”

That is not the way that human beings work.

I never met anyone who can check their emotions at the door. Your emotions and feelings are always there with you; the only question is how you navigate them.

Leaving your emotions at the door is an outdated concept. Emotions continually manifest in the body and you have to work with them rather than subdue, control or ignore them. Recognize them, observe them and channel them in a positive way… keeping in mind your purpose.

But never fall into the futile task of leaving them behind.

And just for the record, yes, that piece made me mad. Because, like you, I have emotions.

Learning Experiences

Q. When is a negative experience not a negative experience?

 A. When you take time to learn from it.

One evening, I made a list of some of the events that had transpired during the past week and ranked each one either positive or negative.

For example, I had two interactions with people who were so aggressive that it made me a bit uncomfortable. But the longer I considered these events, the more opportunities I saw to learn from them… to better understand my own reactions, and to discover better ways of dealing with people who have, let’s say, a few rough edges.

As long as you are open to learning, most experiences can end up being positive.

A 3rd interest

“Just after college, I used to paint and sell my paintings. It was fun and I liked the extra income,” explained a professional deep into her career.

 Did she still paint?

 No.

 Does she still have some of her paintings?

 No.

 She drifted away from a passion and talent that made her unique, for no apparent reason. I see this all the time.

Ask a business consultant what interests s/he has outside of work, and the odds are very high they will answer, “Family.”

I’d like to suggest that work and family aren’t enough to enable an ambitious person to be successful (and happy). You need something else that is truly immersive, that has the potential to pull you into the zone and 100% occupy your effort and focus.

Why? Because this sort of immersion is restorative. It feeds your mind, body and soul. It causes your brain to develop and maintain new neural pathways besides the ones that your current job requires.

It doesn’t matter whether your outside interest is playing the cello, training for a triathlon, or maintaining a vegetable garden. What matters is that it takes you into a completely different state of mind and that it brings you joy.

Magical antidote to stress

If you can spare 20 minutes in the middle of your day, I can show you how to dramatically increase your energy and sense of well-being.

Did I mention that it is perfectly suited to working from home?

Take a 20-minute nap.

Personally, I eat lunch, drink a cup of coffee, and then take a 20-minute nap. When the coffee kicks in, it wakes me up naturally. I splash water on my face and go back to work, feeling just as refreshed and energized as I do waking up in the morning.

The duration of your nap is important; if you sleep longer, you risk waking up groggy and grumpy. In my comment below, I’ll share some tips from the Mayo Clinic about this.

When I was 6 or 7 growing up in India, my dad taught me to nap. He told me to go lie down and start counting sheep. These days, I have trouble getting to ten before I fall asleep.

One last point: my wife noticed that during the past months, my napping habit has become even more regular. I’m guessing that’s because given the stress we are all under, my daily nap serves as a magical antidote.

 ———

Here’s the Mayo Clinic link I mentioned above: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/napping/art-20048319

Practice Compassion

As we practice social distancing, it’s important not to put emotional distance between us. A wonderful way to do this is to remain focused on compassion.

Step one is to pay attention not only to what you are feeling, but also to what others are feeling.

Step two is to have empathy for others. A simple way to do this is to bear in mind that this is a person, just like me… who experiences pain and emotions, just like me… who wants to stay safe, just like me.

Step three is to ask, “What would be of service?” to this person. This will help you move past empathic distress to be proactive.

Even when you aren’t able to solve their problem, you can be proactive in explaining your actions or using words to support that person. For example, a first responder arriving at a accident scene might tell a trapped person, “I need to wait for help to arrive before we can get you out, but you’re going to be okay and I will stay with you until you are free.”

Extroverts understand

It struck me this week that extroverts are now catching a glimpse of what life has long been like for introverts, when your preferences are so different from what society expects of you. I hope this fosters greater understanding and empathy among all of us.

Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader

Marc Lesser co-created Google’s program on emotional intelligence, Search Inside Yourself, which I now deliver at leading professional organizations. His book, Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader, does an excellent job of explaining why mindfulness serves leaders so well.

Today I’m sharing Marc’s quick summary of these seven practices, as he related to Henna Inam in an article for Forbes. These are Marc’s words:

Love the work refers to the “work” of being mindful, of developing your awareness and helping others.

Do the work means developing a regular meditation or mindfulness practice.

Don’t be an expert means approaching life and problems with an open mind, or letting go of being right.

Connect to your pain means paying attention to and learning from your own experience, especially when something hurts.

Connect to the pain of others means listening openly to others and not pushing away whatever is difficult.

Depend on others means fostering your connection to others and building caring communities.

Keep making it simpler is my favorite. In every moment, the best way to find clarity is to ask, what is most important right now? Do that.

***

“Do the work” is the critical phrase. You can’t be mindful simply by taking my half-day workshop. You can’t increase the emotional intelligence of your team by telling them to increase their EI.

Mindfulness takes focused effort. It is an ongoing, never-ending practice. The companies that experience the greatest results, see this as a part of their culture.

Fortunately, the rewards are many.

Most effective CEOs on the planet

I recently came across a quote from Tim Ferris about CEOs and mindfulness…

“Eighty-five percent of leaders interviewed, including the most effective CEOs on the planet, have some type of mindfulness practice that can make them better at almost everything they do…or they need it to survive, to continue the pace and intensity.”   

Here some of the CEOs I know of that have a regular mindfulness (meditation) practice:

Technology

Marc Benioff - CEO of SalesForce

Jeff Weiner - former CEO of LinkedIn

Jack Dorsey - CEO of Twitter

Bill Gates - former CEO of Microsoft

Financial Services

Mark Bertolini - former CEO of AETNA

Ray Dalio - Co-Chairman & Co-Chief Investment Officer, Bridgewater

Healthcare

Bill George - former CEO of Medtronic

I’ll keep adding to this list of CEOs/business leaders as I come across them.

How to Find Calm in the Midst of Chaos and Uncertainty

We are living through unprecedented times of uncertainty which lead to a lot of stress and anxiety. How do we find the space to be calm and focused when we are stressed? What are some of the key techniques you can use to go from anxious, stressed and burned out to feeling at peace and being able to have your peak performance?

Watch my conversation with HOWto.LIVEIt Founder & CEO Ana Kertesz

https://howtoliveit.com/watch/how-to-find-calm-in-the-midst-of-chaos-and-uncertainty/

Daily Moments

Meeting your spouse for the first time. 9/11. The day you got into college. We tend to focus attention on the so-called defining moments of our lives… but I’d like to suggest that the daily moments are far more pivotal.

When someone passes you the milk container at Starbucks, just to be kind…

When you smile at a stranger and s/he smiles back….

When you exercise, for the sheer joy and satisfaction of moving your body…

When you express gratitude because you feel grateful… 

When you work hard because you enjoy working hard…

When you embrace your emotions…

These are all daily moments that define who and what you are. They aren’t something that happens to you. They are the essence of “you.”

Mindfulness in Asset Management

I am often asked, if mindfulness workshops can help professionals in high-performance, high-stress workplaces like asset management, private equity and investment banking.

In response, I always share the stories of two industry leaders…

Ray Dalio of Bridgewater in his book Principles says…

“I practice meditation and believe that it has enhanced my open-mindedness, higher-level perspective, equanimity and creativity. It helps slow things down so that I can act calmly even in the face of chaos, just like a ninja in a street fight.”

Stephen Schwarzman of Blackstone in his book What It Takes says…

“When I started in finance, I was ill prepared for the stress of the work. I observed that when I was the one making the decisions and the voices rose and tempers flared, my heart would beat faster and my breathing would become more shallow. I became less effective, less in control of my own cognitive responses.

The fix, I found, was to focus on my breathing, slow it down and relax my shoulders, until my breaths were long and deep. The effect was astonishing. My thoughts became clearer. I became more objective and rational about the situation at hand, about what I needed to win.”

So there it is, in their own words.

Mindfulness can help you get into and stay in your high-performance zone by shifting you from “distracted to focused" and from "overwhelmed to equanimous”.

Work from home

In the current WFH (work from home) model the boundaries and transitions between work and home have seemingly dissolved.

On a typical workday (pre-COVID 19) most of us made several changes between spaces and transitions between activities. For example,
· Commute to/from work 2x per day
· Walk to/from lunch break 1x per day
· Walk to/from meetings 2-4x per day
· Walk to/from tea/coffee breaks 2-3x per day

These boundaries and transitions naturally helped us take a mental, physical and emotional break between activities. They also helped us arrive at a new activity fully present in mind and body.

Look for simple ways to be replicate some of these boundaries and transitions while WFH.

Take a short walk for lunch, get up and get a glass of water between Zoom meetings. Use a separate space or desk for work. Take a few deep, mindful breaths between meetings. Be creative!

That elusive moment

A participant in one of my mindfulness sessions offered the feedback that, “When you asked us to spend two minutes paying attention to our breathing, it felt like 20 minutes!”

 This led me to consider three moments that professionals often experience when they begin a mindfulness practice:

1. You are surprised by how quickly your distracted mind wants to move away from whatever we are trying to focus on (i.e. your breathing)

2. You are surprised to discover your mind’s tendency to focus on everything BUT the reality of the present moment. (You think, “When will this be over?” You worry about events that will happen later that afternoon. You start daydreaming about an argument you had last night…)

3. Every now and then, you experience a startling moment of peace and contentment, when your mind settles down and time may seem to stop. (This often happens when you stop trying and simply settle into that present moment.)

It’s that third, often elusive, moment that will keep you working at a new mindfulness meditation practice. If you haven’t experienced it yet, please be patient. Trust me, you’ll be handsomely rewarded when it happens.

Stop “trying” so hard

Imagine that, more than anything, you wish to fall in love. How do you do it?

To simplify things a bit, you create the conditions that make it possible. You attend social events, in part to meet prospective partners. You go out on dates. You attempt to be your best self: warm, energetic, curious and supportive.

Months or years go by. 

Then—if you are lucky—one day, you are floating. The world seems magical. You are in love!

Mindfulness meditation works in a similar manner. You create the conditions that make it possible for you to experience true peace and clarity. You work at it day after day. You can’t predict exactly when magical moments will occur.

But then one day, probably when you stop “trying” so hard, magic happens. And once you experience this magic, getting back to it again becomes easier.

Listen

Being mindful means taking time each day to listen to your mind, body and entire being. But instead of listening for words, you listen at a much deeper level. As a result, you gain insights around what you have been feeling, and why.

It is a profoundly healthy and healing practice, perfect for these times.

How mindfulness empowers leaders

Can a mindfulness program strengthen leaders—and leadership skills—across an organization?

Absolutely. That’s exactly what my mindfulness workshops accomplish.

To understand this connection, start at the base of this framework and work upwards.

—Mindfulness leads to greater self-awareness
—Self-awareness increases your ability to self-manage your actions and reactions
—Self-management helps you get in better touch with your motivations and purpose
—Deeper understanding of your own motivations makes you better able to grasp and respect the motivations of others, which leads to empathy
—Empathy helps you relate to others, making it more likely they can also relate to you
—Leadership is all about influencing others, and the only way to do this is to relate to others and have them relate to you

To put this another way, when a leader lacks some or all of the lower levels in this framework, it is far less likely that person will be an effective leader.

Viewed from this perspective, it is hard to imagine how any organization would fail to support an ongoing mindfulness program.

I’d value hearing your thoughts on this framework…

P.S. The arrows go down as well as up because you are never “done” with this process, and success is never a straight line.

Wellbeing Canvas

Essential wellbeing practices for resiliency and performance in challenging times

In 2010, after facing professional and personal challenges stemming from the Great Recession, I began a deep exploration into mindfulness and wellbeing practices, by doing silent meditation retreats and studying with global leaders to understand the science, skills and practices that drive human wellbeing and performance.

The Wellbeing Canvas is a milestone in that journey and captures the key elements of wellbeing in a simple reference and one-pager worksheet that can be used to plan and execute on your wellbeing goals and is based on the essential wellbeing practices supported by science.

The Wellbeing Canvas includes elements for both body and mind and ensures we balance stress and recovery. The canvas increases wellbeing awareness, choices and results and is most effective when used on a regular basis.

Download the Wellbeing Canvas worksheet here